COUPLES RELATIONSHIPS – GRIDLOCK?

Do you and your partner find yourself in gridlock?  Does that old repetitive fight cycle have you in its spell?  “Why were you flirting with Amanda at the dinner party last night?”….. or “You’re late again – the kids and I have been waiting” – “why should I rush home when you’ve always got your nose I the computer?…” Once a negative cycle like yours begins it seems to escalate and take on a life of its own – and it’s hard to break the cycle!

Conflict in relationships, like the battle for control, is an inevitable part of life. Unfortunately, many conflicts between partners do not lead to resolution but instead to further pain and suffering and even marriage breakdown. Although differences can be healthy it’s the way that they’re handled that is critical to the well-being of your relationship.  Conflict can be productive or emotionally destructive. Conflict is destructive only when it creates ongoing tensions and emotional distress. Bad conflict can lead to physical and emotional injury and partners losing trust in each other. The more entrenched the conflict, the less chance we have of finding emotional intimacy

You need to remember that conflict can be productive! It can help you define yourselves or air problems.  Conflict can also be productive when we can develop tools for resolving it peacefully and creatively with your partner and arrive at workable solutions. It can lead to mutual growth and understanding in the relationship. It can help you to Recapture your Magic!

The Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) that we do looks at ruptures in emotional bonds between people and how to correct them.

The work begins as we identify together ways in which partners have developed negative interaction patterns.  Many couples are unaware of or are fearful of expressing to each other the basic vulnerable feelings that are underneath their interactions.  So, one of the important tasks of our work is to help partners “uncover” these sad, vulnerable or fearful feelings.  The next step is to help you put words to these feelings, communicate them to each other and feel understood and accepted by your partner.

We have found that couples who experience a 6-15 week series of EFT felt closer and more loving, less conflicted and distressed and were able to develop a shared perspective and mutual goals.

Dear Dr. Audrey,

I must say, we are noticing incredible personal changes happening – and they are affecting our relationship.  The last few sessions with you have been so beneficial to us. Jim and I have been extremely open with each other about how we feel deep down emotionally.  Our communication has improved exponentially.  It’s been a real breakthrough.  Thank you. RS and JS, Scottsdale

Any questions?  For Tips on Untangling Conflict Cycles and Unraveling Convoluted Communication to Recapture Your Magic, call me, Dr. Audrey, at 602 762 7117 for a complimentary telephone session.

I can also be contacted at audrey@draudreygoldman.com and I would love to hear from you.

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