Author Archive

Jan
20

the way we were – political conflicts

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Dec
01

Violence and Twisted Psyches

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The massacre at Fort Hood was shocking and bewildering. The questions and issues raised by the heinous acts of violence are complex and extremely challenging.  In her article on Major Nidal Hasan’s terrorist attack at Fort Hood, Aimee Liu makes some valid points.  I agree with Ms. Liu that violence among us should not be related to the color of our skin or the name of our religion. Ms. Liu wonders what effect horror stories have and suggests that they have the power to ‘twist the psyche.’ Read More→

Categories : Trauma
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Oct
29

Narcissistic Jerk- Ouch!!

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In the service of not judging and labeling our clients.

I recently read an article in the New York Times, written by a psychiatrist, which concerned me.  It was about  his client – it seems that the client’s husband of 30 years told her that he felt stalled and not self-actualized—so “he began his search for self knowledge in the arms of another woman”—it wasn’t that he didn’t love her – he just didn’t find the relationship exciting. The author goes on to describe his client’s husband as a “narcissistic jerk.”

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Oct
21

When Parents are Toxic

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When are Parents too Toxic To Forgive?

What can you do if the source of your misery is your own parent?  Dr. Richard Friedman thinks that whining about parental failure is practically an American pastime.  But, he points out,  just as there are good parents who mysteriously produce a difficult child, there are decent people who have the misfortune  of having a truly toxic parent.

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Oct
18

COUPLES FIGHTING – BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH?

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TAKING MARITAL SPATS TO HEART

Back in the 80s – up in Vancouver at the University of British Columbia– it was somewhat of a novelty to ‘put marriages under the microscope.’ At the time, the world of therapy was not as evolved — many therapists and coaches had experienced roadblocks when trying to teach people how to talk to each other differently or use behavior exchange programs – –“If you take out the garbage, I’ll do the dishes.”

Emotionally Focused Couples’ Therapy (EFT) was in its infancy but we thought there had to be something better than just behavior training programs.  That’s when we decided to test the effectiveness of EFT.  The powerful positive results we found were amazing. Read More→

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Oct
17

Family Communication

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I was intrigued by Jane Brody’s recent article about engaging your child with Talk.  (NY Times 9/29/09)  Jane maintains that modern parents are  tuned into their cell phones, Blackberrys and iPods but not their young children.  I, on the other hand, am struck by how so many parents nowadays ARE tuned into their children and do follow the advice of talking to their babies whenever they have a chance — it is exciting to see.  For example, I have watched my daughter with her babies, looking at them, imitating their vocalizations, their laughter and their facial expressions and always responding to their cries.

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Oct
16

Self Esteem – Communicating with Kids

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Family Communication:Communicating Ideas and Emotions with Our Children

Helping Children Use Their Words

In my consulting work in the schools, I am always most impressed when I hear a teacher say to a child who has just had an angry outburst, “Jamie, can you use your words to tell us what’s wrong, please?”  In this way, she is encouraging her students to use words instead of actions to express their emotions.  Such teachers are wise and know that open communication is the cornerstone of strong relationships.

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